Good-bye February!

March 16, 2014

So much has happened in the past month! Let’s just say that I am VERY happy to have the month of February gone. Between surgery, being sicker than I have ever been, and throwing my shoulder out, I am glad to see it go. However some good came of it. I found out just how important my husband is to me.

Kelly is my rock. After bringing me home from the clinic, he stayed by my side for three days making sure that I was comfortable. He even stayed up all night after I had had a particularly difficult day. Then when I got so sick I couldn’t stop throwing up, he drove up to stay with me in Manson while I was staying with Joe Toolson, although Joe ended up taking more care of me than I of him. He also took care of me when I threw my shoulder out. He truly is a good man. I am so lucky to be sealed for eternity to this wonderful man.

This last week, I had the opportunity to go with one of my best friends Shannon to Spokane to attend Time Out For Women. We met up with Kendra, Sara, Becky, and Jana – so much fun!

This is a program that is put on by members of my church but is not affiliated with the church. We heard from some AMAZING speakers. One speaker, Mariama Kallon, was INCREDIBLY inspiring. This lady grew up in Sierra Leone during the time of their civil war. She had to watch her parents be killed and barely escaped with her sister, only to be caught later. When she was caught, they raped all of the women and then lined them up and one by one, decided if they were going to cut off their arms or their legs with machetes. Her sister was number 5 in line, and she was number 10. She said she had to watch as her sister had both of her legs cut off. (there was not a dry eye in the place) As it came closer to her turn, she said that she prayed to God that he would do something to help these women. There were only two women in front of her when the soldiers came. The men grabbed the arms and legs that they had amputated and ran for their lives. She then went on to talk about how she came to the church and how much she believed in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. This was so powerful. If we can look at the problems we have or are facing and consider them in comparison, we would know that our life is not hard. One thing she said stands out to me, “Hold lightly to the things of this world. Hold tightly to the things of Heaven.” Another was, “Its not the length of life but the depth [that matters].” She also quoted Sister Hinkley, “The trick to enjoy life? Don’t wish it away waiting for better days.”

The other speaker who really made an impact on me was Wendy Ulrich. She has written many books and is an incredible speaker. She spoke on hope and false hope. It made me realize that I have a LOT of false hope. She asked us how many of us hope to ‘undo the past’, ‘prevent trouble’, ‘want certainty’, and want ‘control’? Do any of these sound like me? Lol only all of them! I cannot undo my past. What is done is done. I cannot spend my days saying, ‘if only I had…’ This hit me hard because I do this when I think about my boys. If only I had said yes more… If only I had not yelled so much…If only I had played more … If only I had cleaned less… If only I had… There are so many things that I cannot go back and undo. I can only look forward and hope to do better. True hope is holding onto what we know is true…I know I love my family more than life itself…I know the gospel is true…I know that I can hope in the power of Christ to redeem me. She spoke about letting go of things we cannot change and rejoicing in the things we have now. She then went on to say that miracles do not always come without pain. She just didn’t say how much pain we have to endure before we see the miracle. When her talk was done, both Shannon and I were in tears and had a long talk about the role Casey and Kelly (McClellan) are playing in not only our lives but of those around them. Needless to say, this was a VERY spiritual weekend.

I am so happy that I had the opportunity to feel the Spirit so strongly this weekend. I know my Father lives and loves me for who I am. He doesn’t need me to be thinner, prettier, or smarter. He loves ME just as I am. Now if only I could love me just as I am. (I like my feet!)